Jester:
"Welcome to…"
"Diceeeeeeey Duuuuuungeeeeons!"
"The only game show where YOU could win your heart’s greatest desire!"
"But will you fulfill your dreams… or your nightmares?"
"Let’s find out with our host for this evening…"
"and for eternity…"
"it’s LADY LUCK!"
Lady Luck:
Thank you! Thank you all, my dears and my darlings!"
"And welcome back to my labyrinth of endless terror!"
"Will our newest contestants win big or lose it all?"
"Let’s find out as we meet…"
"… the Warrior!"
Warrior:
"Whoa, I’m a dice!"
Lady Luck:
"Yes, dear. That’s how this works."
"Tell me, Warrior, what secret emptiness has driven you to risk eternal imprisonment at the hands of fate?"
Warrior:
"… what?"
Lady Luck:
"My dear, what are you playing for today?"
Warrior:
"Oh! I’m playing to win a monster truck."
"And to become the strongest man in the world!"
Lady Luck:
"Inspirational!"
"Well, you know what we say here in Dicey Dungeons."
"Luck might be against you, but it’s too late to change your mind now!"
Jester:
Congratulations!"
"Your very first victory!"
Warrior:
"Am I super strong now?"
Jester:
"You’ll ALWAYS be super strong to me."
"But also… no, sorry."
"How it works is, every time you win an episode, you get the chance to…"
"SPIN… THE… WHEEL!"
"And if the wheel ends up on a star?"
"You get to leave the dungeons and take home your heart’s desire!"
"Get ready to…"
"SPIN THE WHEEL!"
"SPIN THE WHEEL!"
"You’re not chanting…"
Warrior:
"Oh, sorry! SPIN THE WHEEL!"
SPIN THE WHEEL!"
Jester:
"Here we go…"
(Wheel spins)
Jester:
"Ahhhh, bad luck! No prize this time."
"But never mind, there are plenty of episodes to come!"
Warrior:
"SPIN THE WHEEL! SPIN THE WHEEL!"
Jester:
"… you can stop chanting now."
Lady Luck:
"It’s time for another episode of Dicey Dungeons, with our feisty little fighter, the Warrior!"
Warrior:
"Hey, Lady Luck! I’m doing great, aren’t I?"
Lady Luck:
"You sure are!"
Warrior:
"If I keep this up, I’ll have that monster truck in no time!"
Lady Luck:
"So determined! And I think you may be right: you WILL have that monster truck in… "no time.""
Warrior:
"Yeah! Wait, what?"
Lady Luck:
"… it’s a double meaning, you see. "No time" could also mean "never.""
"Please don’t tell me I need to make this any clearer."
Warrior:
"Wait, but I’m doing great! You just said!"
Lady Luck:
"Of COURSE I did, and of course none of us have any reason to believe my show isn’t completely fair."
"So in you go for another round!"
Lady Luck:
"Warrior, my love! How are you getting on?"
"You know, if you stop fighting against me and start working really hard on being a good minion…"
"… then in a couple hundred years you might have a shot at becoming a level boss."
Warrior:
"What? No! I’m getting on fine!"
"I’m going to win this!"
Lady Luck:
"You’re really not, you know."
Warrior:
"And that’s another thing!"
"I’m beginning to think you might not have our best interests at heart!"
Lady Luck:
"… you’re not the smartest of my little battlers, are you?"
"Of course I don’t have your best interests at heart."
"I don’t even have a heart to *theoretically* have them at in the first place."
"But what I do have is… more monsters for you to fight! In you go!"